I Can’t Describe My Feelings

Oh dear God.

I was wondering how long I was gonna go without making a post about relationships, so…here it is. Today, we’re talking about the A**hole and how he has managed to just literally wreck what’s left of my common sense.

I would like to start by saying that on the “How Much I Like A Guy” Meter, this man has managed to get me from a calm and cool Level 2 to a raging Level 4, and if he keeps his nonsense up, it’s inevitable that I’m gonna break the Level 5 barrier.

I don’t even know where to start.

First off, he has not failed to call me almost every day (he missed one day) for the past week, and not only at night, either. He’ll call me long before the day is out (now whether I’m  busy or not is a different story, but the point is that he does call). He’s still being exceedingly nice and asks about my day, etc., etc.

What gets me most is that we’re now having personal conversations. Before, all we’d talk about is his job and our sex lives…seriously. It had gotten to the point where I got fed up with him entirely. But now, we talk about things that actually matter. We confide in each other now. It’s like our talks have taken an entirely different turn, which is wonderful.

He’s told me that he really does like me, and he’ll talk to the customers about his “baby” and so on and so forth…it’s endearing, really. And he’s noted that he’s  seriously thinking about moving, just to be closer to me (he lives a good 4 hour drive away).

Then…part of me wants to believe that he’s just doing these things and saying these things to ultimately get me in bed, and who knows what happens after that…if it happens.

I do know that whatever the case, he believes that sex is vital in a relationship. Me…not so much. I’m just like, “Oh, let’s just cuddle here.” Do I like sex and enjoy it? Obviously. But I’m not trying to get down and dirty every night, especially if we aren’t exclusive. And the A-hole and I are definitely not exclusive.

But what if he is serious? I guess I’d just have to have that conversation with him.

But I have trust issues.


It just seems like every time we talk that everything gets more and more complicated and I just go higher and higher on this ladder. Then, on the other end of the spectrum I have Mr. Socially Inexperienced. What the heck am I supposed to do if he shows up again? Because he is literally almost perfect, and I swear that I have a feeling that he’ll show up again when I go back to school in the Fall. And in a sense, I still have feelings for him.

I cannot describe my feelings.



~ by musingsofaboredteenager on July 11, 2012.

6 Responses to “I Can’t Describe My Feelings”

  1. I would like to give some advice. Don’t rush into something your not ready for. Is what the other person is looking for what you are looking for? Are you on the same page? Don’t be bullied into a relationship. Trust your gut feelings on most matters, they are usually correct. I believe sex is a vital part of a relationship, you are sharing your body (your temple if I may say) to someone, Treat it right, don’t allow anyone to mistreat you or it. Sex is intimate and should be as such whether you are a romantic or just a plain old sexed up person. You are sharing and exchanging feelings, bodies, fluids with another human being. It shouldn’t be just sex. You are young enjoy it and who you do it with but also be safe about it. If you are looking to find the right one. You will know with how he is in the relationship as well as sex. He will push all the right buttons and you wont have much to doubt.

    • To the first question, yes of course…but we’re on two different time schedules. He’s like, “oh, I can’t wait yada yada” and I’m just like, “yeahhhh, aha okay wait it out, wait it out…” But I mean, we both have a sexual attraction that we’ve both acknowledged.
      Then I don’t know if he’s serious about me or not, and I want to know that he is…but I’m afraid that if it comes time that he’s ready I honestly think that I’ll give in, because like I said, there’s intense sexual tension there and a part of me definitely wants it. I’m just afraid that we’ll do it and it’ll ruin everything that we’ve built so far…
      Then I have the other guy and that complicates everything even more.

  2. I have to agree with Gemini on some points, but sex is strictly for marriage, even though it is vital to a relationship. The guy you’re speaking of is right about that, but sex is for a marital relationship.

    Once you give a guy sex, there’s no turning back. You can’t just STOP doing it either; its harder than that. The best thing to do is to take a break from each other if you find yourself in that situation. Sex is not “making love”, sex is a primitive action, and you shouldn’t associate sex with love. Men have the desire to “mate” if you will, just like animals. Its not their fault, and some wish they didn’t have those feelings at all, but don’t ever associate sex with “love making” or “being in love.”

    Lastly, avoid the temptation. The best way to do this is to avoid the situation altogether. For example, if its 10:30 at night, and there’s no one else home, then maybe you two need to bid farewells for the night, or maybe not even stay at each other’s places until 10:30.

    • In a sense I did believe in the marriage thing, but honestly I’ve gotten past that idea and believe that sex is for people in committed relationships.
      And I really think that your idea is probably one of the best; I really feel like everything will be ruined if we take that step, especially if we take it right now.

      • Sex is more complicated than heated passion in the night, where you wake up the next morning and feel all dandy. Its not like that.
        You’re going to give this guy part of you, physically and emotionally, and its going to be different. Its going to be different for him and for you, especially if you’ve done it with someone else or if he’s done it with someone else.

        Your brain, unfortunately has these little gears that start turning, “Did I do that right?”, “Did he enjoy it?”, “Did I enjoy it?”, “What about tomorrow or the next day, or next month? Is he still going to be attracted to me?”
        Guys like to look at other girls. Guys watch porn. Guys are still going to be guys, whether you’ve had sex or not. Sex. Is. Complicated. If you’re willing to act like a grown-up and act married with this guy who may or may not feel the same way, then more power to you. I’m not trying to be harsh, just trying to tell you that you need to think and discuss that with this person. He may want to get married, who knows. Also, communication is key: when I read this, I felt you needed to talk more with this person. Ask him about what he likes, how he feels about certain things, and more importantly DATE this person.

        My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and a half, and he still surprises me with his beliefs and points of views about some things.

        That’s my two cents; I hope you figure out what to do!

      • Exactly. And I think that a lot of the issue here is that we HAVEN’T talked. I’m not sure exactly where he stands and I think I’m acting too distant for him to know where I stand as well.
        I can do sex without feelings and emotions, no big deal, I’ve done it before. But since I actually like this guy, things change drastically. So I think a lot of talking (as well as dating) would have to happen before I even consider having sex with him.
        Then I have the other guy that’s still on the back burner…I’ve just put myself in a difficult place, to be honest. But thank you, thank you. You’ve put a lot of things into perspective for me.

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