Being Defined By A Relationship (And Why That’s A Problem)


I don’t know about any of you, but when I’m involved with a guy, sometimes I get a little…caught up in the essence of the relationship. In other words, if I’m not careful I lose myself.

For those who like to beat around the bush or be in denial, here are some examples of “being defined by a relationship”:

  • Watching the same movies or eating the same foods on a regular basis
  • Not speaking out about your likes or dislikes because of the fear of being rejected
  • Giving up old traditions or things you love for the sake of the person
  • Having no breathing time (ditching family/friend time to be with the boo is a big no-no)

Usually these things happen at the very beginning of the relationship, and a lot of times, it wears off and everything is smooth sailing. However, sometimes it doesn’t. And a person can find himself being completely defined by the relationship that he is in (or she).

The bottom line is, it’s okay to give a little in a relationship, but you need to keep your individuality. If not, you’ll find yourself with someone who doesn’t love you for you. And that can be depressing to deal with and lead to tension if you realize it. Also, if you just happen to break up, you’ll end up having a huge breakdown because of the simple fact that the relationship was essentially who you were.

So, the key here is to not only know yourself, but to communicate that to the person that you’re seeing. If you know that you can’t handle that, then it’s totally okay to fly solo for a little while. Just be who you are, whether you’re in a relationship or not.

It’s totally cliche, but eventually someone will come around who appreciates you for doing just that.

Any other tips for staying true to yourself, even when you’re committed to someone else?

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~ by musingsofaboredteenager on July 16, 2012.

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