The Importance of Closure

Late last night I had a pretty long conversation with my ex. We had a pretty bad breakup a few months ago a few days shy of our one year anniversary, but since then we’ve kinda picked up the pieces and we’re on somewhat of a talking basis now. There’s been a few occasions when we had talked about what had happened between us, but I came to find out soon enough that she still had a lot of things to say.

One thing that I can say about our breakup was that it was a long one. Between the time that I officially ended things and the time that we both let it go…that stretched out to about a month. It was extremely stressful, and I realized last night that a lot of the arguing and the resentment and the aggravation could’ve been avoided. The issue was that I never gave her the closure that she needed.

When I first told her that I was through, I became detached. I felt like if I did that then she would get the hint that I was really serious (we had broken up two or three times before before getting back together a day later). I didn’t tell her what I was feeling, but I felt that I did what I felt that I should’ve by telling her why we needed to call it quits.

She had lost it entirely. At one point I was extremely concerned about her because I was afraid she would do something insane. It had gotten to the point where I got aggravated and I then brushed her off entirely. I didn’t understand why she had to react this way. And up until last night I still didn’t.

She explained to me last night that when we broke up she felt that I didn’t feel anything at all and moved on. She thought that I didn’t care, and that I wasn’t hurting, and she didn’t get why. She went on to think that I had fabricated my feelings toward her entirely during our relationship, and that I simply could not care less. She didn’t understand, which is why she reacted that way. Because I refused to tell her what I was feeling, I singlehandedly brought her to one of the lowest points of her life.

But I thought that by “being strong” for her, and by acting like everything was okay, I’d make things easier for her, when in fact I was doing the opposite. She didn’t have closure from the relationship, which is why she went through one of the hardest periods in her life.

This brings me to say that when you end a relationship, or if you clock out of anything (because dating is definitely fair game, too), do the other person a favor and give them closure. It isn’t fair and it’s a slap in the face to the other person when you fail to do so. I honestly felt terrible knowing that I had caused someone I loved so much so much pain, and I had to apologize to her, though I know that that isn’t even enough.

Closure is extremely important. Just don’t forget it; it’ll prevent a lot of unnecessary tension in the long run.


~ by musingsofaboredteenager on July 19, 2012.

2 Responses to “The Importance of Closure”

  1. I kinda went through the same thing with one of my friends. We were really close until we just started like different things. Last year she just completely stopped talking to me, and we still avoid each other when we pass in the halls. I still wonder wear we went wrong, but I’ve kinda moved on without talking to her.

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