Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?


There are three ways to break up with someone. In one scenario, you don’t want to speak to this other person again. You’re through. In another, you’re still in love. You didn’t initiate the breakup, yet your feelings are unrequited. In the third, you’re through with the relationship, but not the person.

Today, I’m addressing the third scenario and everything that comes with it.

Some people think that after a relationship some things can be salvaged. Maybe the ex was a good person, or there were a lot of things in common. Maybe they had a good time together. Knowing this, they think that perhaps it’s possible to maintain a friendship post-breakup. The ultimate question is whether it’s a good idea or not.

Now, here’s the thing. When you’re in a relationship with someone, I believe that to a certain extent you don’t have to be on the exact same wavelength with your partner. I believe that doing so makes things boring extremely quickly. I think that as long as you’re able to coexist with each other, everything can be smooth sailing.

However, once you breakup and decide to be “friends,” this changes. The bottom line is that you and the other person has to be on the exact same page. First off, was the breakup one sided? Or was it mutual? If it’s not mutual, it’s not going to work, I swear. When you attempt a friendship after a one-sided breakup, miscommunication is inevitable, and boundaries get compromised. Every time.

Have you both had time to move on? Even if the breakup is mutual, if there isn’t a clean break, even for a little while, you’re sabotaging any potential friendship you would ever have. Feelings will always get in the way.

Are there boundaries set? There needs to be a clear line that both parties know that they can’t cross. If you’re waking up next to the other person one morning after a questionable night…are you still friends at that point? Friends don’t sleep with friends. Set boundaries.

What’s my point? If exes decide to pull the friendship card, they need to be on the same page at all times. There’s no getting around this. The problem is that 9 times out of 10 this doesn’t happen. My advice? Just give it a clean break and move on. Things happen for a reason.

So, post-breakup friendships. Okay or not okay?

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~ by musingsofaboredteenager on July 24, 2012.

3 Responses to “Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?”

  1. Not okay. I personally don’t like to have the extra complications after a break up. I think once you’re done you’re done. End of story.

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